Yesterday and Today

Yesterday, the sun was here this time as he always is. I remember looking at him from the windows of gym. Bright , happy and hopeful.

Today, he must be here again I guess. It’s my phone that has informed me it’s morning. I won’t open my windows today. I don’t want to see him today. I know  it’ll burn the eyes that haven’t slept last night. It’s rays will burn my skin. It won’t show me hope anymore rather will make me remind that world is full of hurt and harshness.

Yesterday , I was with my headphones as I always am. Music is my solace. Playlists were full of rock, energy and love. That’s how I always begin my morning.

Today, I’m not bothering my headphones. Phone is playing songs itself. And yes, the playlist includes those sad songs I never used to listen. I’m a “one more fucking love song I’ll be sick” kind of person. Yet, here I am listening those fucking songs. 

I always loved darkness of my room. It used to give me strength, ideas and freedom. But today, it’s haunting. It’s peaceful too. I don’t know whether it’s more peaceful or more haunting. I feel being trapped and at same time I want to get trapped. 

I don’t want to see faces outside. I know they’ll be only faces this time. No individuals, except a very few ones whom I love. My mother, who visited this room the moment she woke up to check if I’m alright or still in fever. 

I don’t know how such things take place. How a single moment changes you inside ? A moment , you’re filled with a lot of fire inside and next moment that fire burns you inside. Mind thinks , and thinks a lot and then it ultimately becomes numb. You do purposeless things. Like I’m writing this blog not because I want to write anything rather I want to get tired and sleep. 

I’m numb.


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